


@chrisevans

by sidnihoudini



Series: Fork and Knife [15]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Committing dick fraud, Dick Pics, Instagram, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-09-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:47:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24160810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidnihoudini/pseuds/sidnihoudini
Summary: “Fuck,” Seb hears from the other room. It’s muffled, and is followed by a louder, more succinct, “FUCK.”
Relationships: Chris Evans/Sebastian Stan
Series: Fork and Knife [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/471925
Comments: 35
Kudos: 187





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is extremely stupid and maybe a little sad, and I meant to start writing it weeks ago but now it’s 1:30 AM and here we are.
> 
> HAPPY FOUR YEARS F&K.

They talk on video chat in the morning, and at night.

And they used to do it in the afternoon, too, but Seb dipped out of that when Chris left him leaning up against a fence post, and made him watch an entire round of bocce ball with Scott. Seb will happily watch Chris do a lot of stupid shit, but not from a distance where Seb can’t even see his nipples jiggling around underneath his t-shirt.

Mostly, things work out. Last night Chris got baked and watched Martha Stewart with the dog. Seb sat on the couch and answered some emails. Then he pointed Chris out the window at 7PM.

And after that, Chris tried to make himself dinner, and dropped his phone behind the oven. For 40 minutes, Seb laughed and took screen caps of Chris’s emotional rescue mission. First it was his arm, which was about a foot too short, and then it was a pair of tongs, which were too weak, and finally, the broom.

Tonight Seb is shaving while Chris lays in bed with the phone at an angle that has his chin buried between his boobs.

“You follow me first,” Seb replies.

Chris squints down at the camera. “I’m not following you. I’m not following ANYONE, Seb.”

“Well, babe, that’s the deal.” He knows Scott had a hand in this, and the least he could have done was throw Seb a follow. Chris has a deep, deep mistrust of Instagram. Seb tilts his head back so he can get at his jaw line. “Follow me, and I’ll follow you back.”

Chris frowns. “I already put your thing in it.”

“In the what.” Seb rinses off his razor, and reaches for a towel.

Chris is getting irritated. “The thing!” He clarifies, unhelpfully. “I put your at sign in there.”

Seb grins and picks up the phone, lifting it right up to his face so Chris gets the whole thing.

“That means nothing,” he says dramatically. “Impress me.”

“No way.” Chris is very close to a _no u_. He squints again, and Seb laughs, because now Chris is getting extra prickly. “When are you coming back?”

Seb automatically replies, “Never,” as he pauses to wipe the towel over his face.

“Ha ha, Seb.” Chris runs a hand over his shaved head. “Very funny.”

“I’ll see how this week goes,” Seb finally promises, albeit loosely. It has been a weird week, and a weird month, and a weird year. Usually they don’t see each other for this long, but it’s because of things like appearance contracts and filming schedules and differing continents. Seb drops the towel to make eye contact with the camera lens. “I can’t just leave.”

“Yes you can,” Chris says right away, which is another argument they’ve already had.

Seb frowns, mouth flat, and tries to fold his towel back up with only one hand. “You know what I mean.”

“I know, I know.” Chris pauses and just looks at the screen. “I miss you. That’s all.”

Seb hits the light off as he leaves the bathroom. “I miss you too, and I’ll be there as soon as I can. I have a couple more things, and I’m all yours.”

“Maybe in June,” Chris offers.

Seb smiles at the phone. “Maybe in June.”


	2. good moooorning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean...

“Fuck,” Seb hears from the other room. It’s muffled, and is followed by a louder, more succinct, “FUC _K_.”

Then Chris scares the shit out of him as he comes running around the corner into the otherwise super quiet room. The dog skids in after him.

“Jesus,” Seb says, right as Chris blurts, “Babe.” They look at each other, both scandalized, and then a second later Seb registers the look on Chris’s face and feels his gut drop. “What are you doing?” Seb widens his eyes. “What!?”

Chris has his phone in his hand. “I’m going to tell you what I just did, and you’re going to be so mad.”

The last time Chris said that, it was because he got into a kick fight with Mike and knocked the fire pit into the pool. Seb couldn’t swim for a week.

“Chris.” Now Seb is really getting nervous.

“I shared my camera roll to my Instagram,” Chris blurts, and then smacks a hand over his mouth, eyes wide. The dog starts getting excited and runs over to his bed to grab his toy and join in on the weird energy.

Seb narrows his eyes. “What was it.”

Visions of their sex tape anthology dance through his head.

“I put your dick pic on the internet,” Chris says, and Seb blurts out _WHAT???_ in a loud, weird tone of voice he’s never even heard before. “I’m so sorry. I deleted it right away, Seb. I didn’t know it was there! I only wanted part of the video, so I recorded it with the thing, and I guess at the end it was there, and I didn’t see it and I just posted it.”

On the couch, Seb covers his face with both hands. “Oh my god, Chris.”

“It was a thing of Shanna and Scott playing Head’s Up-”

Horrified, Seb interrupts, “MY DICK IS IN A COMPILATION WITH YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER?”

That momentarily stalls Chris’s nervous rambling. He squints his eyes and scratches the back of his head as he says, “It’s not, it’s more of a… it’s more of a gallery wall type thing…”

His gaze rolls back over to Seb’s direction. They stare at each other.

After a second of collaborative no thought, Seb thinks to ask, “What one was it?”

“I didn’t even know it was-” Chris cuts himself off. “What?” Then, “What?”

Seb has sent a score of saucy pics over the last few months. As long as it’s just plain dick, it’s not as bad as it could be. He thinks about the video of them fucking in the bathroom mirror the other day getting shared to an audience of 5.7M.

He raises his eyebrows and specifies, “What picture?”

“It was like, the last video you sent.” Chris hesitates. “The jerking off one.”

Seb has a moment of clarity. “You’re taking responsibility for that dick pic.”

“I already talked to Megan,” Chris replies earnestly.

Last Christmas, Megan got a chunky bonus and a nice watch. This year Chris is going to owe her a new car.

“The world is gonna be under the impression that dick is your dick.” Seb raises his eyebrows. As far as he can remember about that video, he took it at night in a pretty dim hotel room. To reiterate, he says, “Not my dick.”

Chris looks like he did that time he was hungover and had to puke out the car window on their way to the airport.

“I’m so sorry, Seb,” he says again.

Because Seb can’t help himself, he starts laughing a little bit.

“Your mom is gonna be SO mad,” he tells Chris.

He laughs some more as Chris drops down into a squat and puts his face in both hands. Dodger gets into it, snuffling his fingers and trying to simultaneously investigate and give Chris his toy as Seb cackles.

“Oh my god,” Chris finally says into his hands. “My mom is gonna see your bare dick.”

Seb goes back to reading the script he has open on his computer.

“Don’t put that evil on me,” he grimaces, right as Chris’s phone starts ringing in his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP to @chrisevans


End file.
